(My) Top Ten Tweets

Last night's game was sort of a wash going in: I mean, Greinke vs. Byrd? That's not even fair. However, I remembered last year when we had a chance to clinch against Cleveland, we had Wake going against eventual Cy Young winner Cliff Lee. Most of us resigned ourselves to waiting another day... and then the Sox smacked Lee with his third (and last) loss of the year. Unfortunately, the magic wasn't there, as Byrd got shelled for five runs in the first frame, and Greinke (predictably) stymied the Red Sox bats. However, it's rewarding to look for humor in the bleakest of times, so here goes: yesterday's Top Ten Tweets:

10.) "Byrd is the word alright... Unfortunately it's a four-letter word." We members of RSN, Twitter division, repeat this mantra every Byrd start... Some days it's more effective than others, but the following video is always a crowd-pleaser:


9.) "'Playin' the flute.' I love you, Sean Casey. I love you." Please don't tell Pedey on me, but I'm definitely smitten with the Mayor in the booth. He was obviously referring to Youk's batting stance, and, if you look at his right hand, it does look sort of like he's trying to play the flute. But hey, whatever works.
8.) "Jason Varitek just got on base. SHOCKING. And welcome." I'll take offense from whatever corner it comes from, and the captain is mired in a hellacious slump. I'm going to dismiss his start last night as Tito throwing him a bone during a game already conceded as a loss, and applaud the freak accident that led to him getting on base against Mr. Greinke.

Even umpires are outrunning the beleaguered Captain right now :(

7.) "Gonzo wants to keep Pedey in his place: 'You can be replaced, man... by ME.'" I've been referrring to Gonzo and Pedey as the double play DREAMTEAM (yes, it has to be one word and all in CAPS). However, yesterday, Gonzo made the play, touched second, and fired to first by himself, no doubt leaving Dustin feeling lonely and abandoned. It's okay Pedey, Gonzo is a defensive wizard, and I'm always here for comfort.

6.) "OOOHHH I approve of the bullpen factoring into this game." Look, if Ichiro is a witch, then Zack Greinke is a GOD. I want him to win the Cy Young. I really just wanted to score a few UNearned runs off of him so we could win while his ERA stayed awesome. Well, the ERA stayed awesome (down to 2.08), but we couldn't muster anything against him. I was excited to see the bullpen, but our efforts against them proved just as fruitless.Who are these guys, anyway?

5.) "I approve of Sean Casey's illicit relationship with Gonzo... 'He has such good soft hands.'" Okay, totally out of context, but I couldn't resist. Casey was talking about the play Gonzo made on a shallow outfield pop up... he meant that most shortstops would leave that ball to the center fielder, but that Gonzo has the skills to catch it - and he did. However, he said it with such breathless admiration that I couldn't help but wonder if there isn't something... else... going on.There are NO pictures of Casey and Gonzo together... Coincidence? I think not.

4.) "Okay. That was a strike on a normal sized man.... Pedey is definitely FUN-SIZED." The umpires were squeezing our pitchers all night. I understand that if you can command the strike zone like Greinke you get the benefit of the doubt, and that's fine. But the guy pitching to Dustin in this instance was from the bullpen brigade, and the pitch was up around his eyes. I get that on a normal person that's the right height for a called strike, but Pedey has his own strike zone, and it's interchangeable with the one they use in Little League.

Youk is of average height for a ballplayer. Clearly, Pedey is not. ADJUST THE STRIKE ZONE ACCORDINGLY!!!

3.) "#HeidiWatneyNeedToBeOnTwitter <- STUPID. She only works for NESN because she's good-looking. She's awful to listen to." Someone seriously thought it was a good idea for Watney to have a Twitter account. Why? She has nothing to say! They feed her the interview questions, and the game updates. She's there to be a pretty face, and that's it. Her baseball knowledge is negligible. 2.) "Seriously... If Greinke doesn't win the Cy Young, I'm going to punch Joba Chamberlain in the face." I mean, I've always wanted to punch Joba in the face, so he seems like the ideal person for me to take my frustration out on if Greinke doesn't win. A pitcher shouldn't get penalized for the team he plays form and if Zack doesn't win, it will be a perfect example of injustice.
1.) "Okay, you all talked me into it... I'll just punch Joba in the face for the enjoyment of RSN, Twitter division." I mean, I'll take one for the team here. I got so many @replies asking me to just punch him anyway, regardless of Cy Young voting. It's not like I really want to... It's an obligation I feel to my Tweeps. So watch your back, Joba.

Seriously... Who talks bad about Yogi Berra? Now he REALLY needs to get punched in the face. Also, he got arrested for DUI, and people want to give him a mulligan? Hello?!? Ever heard of Nick Adenhart? THAT'S why there's no do-overs.