Manny's back stateside, hilarity sure to ensue

The Texas Rangers have signed former Red Sox and Dodgers slugger Manny Ramirez to a minor league contract, and he'll start with the AAA Round Rock in central Texas tomorrow. Ramirez has spent the last few months playing for the EDA Rhinos of China's Professional Baseball League in Taiwan, making a tiny fraction of what he became accustomed to in the majors.

Manny reports that he's unconcerned with money, and that he's even planning to give his minimum salary to charity, a lackadaisical approach that fits with his persona. Throughout his successful (and apparently artificially enhanced) major league career, Manny has been something of an enigma: he was the proud owner of the league's highest salary for a time, yet always played with the reckless abandon of a little leaguer (perhaps a little leaguer with ADHD?).

Like the time he cut off Johnny Damon's throw from center field...? We never did get an explanation for that.

It was clear by the end of his tenure in Boston that the city was finally tired of putting up with Manny's antics, from often questionable defense to phantom injuries that only seemed to crop up when he was annoyed with someone. When the Dodgers took him off our hands, it seemed like a good deal for everyone - Boston got rid of an expensive and troublesome fielder, and LA had the fun-loving celebrity type their fans love so much.

Even the steroids allegations and suspensions weren't terribly surprising. Certainly we were disappointed, but nothing's unbelievable when it comes to Manny Ramirez. I mean, have you ever checked out his official website? It's difficult to describe, but quintessentially Manny.

The Red Sox have already wrapped up the season series with the Rangers, so even if Manny gets called up, he won't be making any Fenway Park appearances this season, barring a Texas/Boston playoff matchup. However, I'll still be keeping an eye on him, because if nothing else, Manny always generates controversy, entertainment, and hilarity everywhere he pops up, and it makes baseball extra fun to watch - especially since he's no longer causing friction on my team.

Catching up with old friends

Sometimes when players leave the Red Sox, fans are content; for whatever reason, sometimes it's just time for them to pack up and go. Other times, we wish they could stay, even if what we get in return is incredible.  No matter how players leave town, it's always fun to see where they end up.

As you all know, Carl Crawford and Adrian Gonzalez got traded to the Dodgers last season - the laid back style of LA seems to be suiting them, at least based on this photo tweeted from the Dodgers account:

Meanwhile, out in Houston, former Red Sox shortstop Jed Lowrie, who was always rather more cerebral than his fellows, is making a serious hobby of photography:

Outfielder Josh Reddick, now with the Oakland A's, has reportedly accepted a beard-growing challenge from WWE wrestler Daniel Bryan: 

And perhaps most hilariously of all, Manny Ramirez is currently playing professional baseball in Taiwan, for $25,000 a month.  For comparison's sake, Ramirez made nearly six times that PER GAME in the Red Sox Championship season of 2004.

Reader's reluctance and Tito's new book

I got my copy of Francona: The Red Sox Years, right on time on its release date from Amazon.  It is currently sitting, unopened, on my bedside table.  I'm sure it will be well-written, as everything Dan Shaughnessy has a hand in writing has a certain style, and I'm sure it will be interesting, because Terry Francona's arrival in Boston coincided with a very exciting time in Red Sox history.

So why haven't I opened it yet? It's not because I'm in the middle of another book (surely a lackadaisical winter reread of Harry Potter can be put aside for a new release like this one), nor is it because I don't have the time - indeed, I have a shameful amount of free time lately.

No, my reluctance to dive into what is sure to be a page-turner has more to do with a halfhearted attempt at preserving my illusions. I know that there were players who were difficult, even during the magical 2004 and 2007 seasons (the sections on Manny Ramirez alone must be pretty hefty). But I'm not ready to lose my mental pedestals for players whose indiscretions might have flown under the radar of the fans - if, for instance, there's a passage about anyone that at all resembles the Roger Clemens anecdotes from Joe Torre's The Yankee Years, I might just lost it.

I've heard good things about the book, and I'm sure that once I manage to start it, I'll be through it in a matter of days.  I'm equally certain that the book will have me feeling some serious nostalgia for the good old days of the Pedey/Tito bromance.  Have any of you guys read the book? Am I being nervous for nothing? Let me know here in the comments, on Twitter, or on the Facebook page!

Five Minute Musings

1. I haven't had the chance to see Knuckleball! yet, but now I can't wait for this "sequel."  The spoof from MLB.com's Fan Cave features RA Dickey, Phil Niekro, and old friend Tim Wakefield as a crime-fighting trio.  The video (above) is just about ninety seconds, and it will probably be the best minute and a half of your day.
2. I don't know if you caught this story from Boston.com, but it features Manny Ramirez, Johnny Damon, and Kevin Millar jumping into the jacuzzi with Pedro Martinez before a game in 2004.  There's also an aside from Pedro about strategic signing of the inside of the Monster "so Manny doesn't pee on it."
3. As you know, my roommate and I went to the final home game of the season and unveiling of the All Fenway Team last week.  The whole thing was incredible, and since we temporarily commandeered dugout-side seats (until an usher kicked us out) I was able to take some great photos.  If you want to check them out, there are some posted on the Tumblr attached to this blog, or you can Like this blog on Facebook and see the full album.
4. Ben Cherington as good as said that Bobby V. won't be returning next season. No one is surprised, but what's next? Varitek is headed to the front office (and as I said in my last post, I don't think it would work - at least right now), and the All Fenway Team Manager is said to be interested in managing in Cleveland.  Who do you want to see in the role next season?
5. With the playoffs drawing closer, and the Red Sox so far out (and for so long) I've been thinking about whiuch team(s) I want to support through the postseason.  Yes, I'm a Red Sox fan, but I'm also a BASEBALL fan, and I need to have a few rooting interests. I've gone with the Rangers the last couple Red Sox-less postseasons (mostly because I love Ian Kinsler), but I have some other ideas this time around.  Are you going to hop on a postseason bandwagon? Boycott the playoffs entirely? Let me know in the comments!

A losing season and a rude awakening

It's official. Last night the Red Sox lost their 82nd game (and in spectacular fashion, by a score of 13-3 to the Tampa Bay Rays) to clinch their first losing season since 1997.  That's right, the last time the Red Sox were this bad, I was missing my two front teeth.

I grew up in a generation of lucky fans.  I missed the heartbreak of 1986 by four years, and I was too young during the 1994 strike to really understand what was going on.  Sure, I remember the gut-wrenching end to the 2003 postseason, with Tim Wakefield trudging off the mound dejected, sure he would be the next Bill-Buckner-esque scapegoat, but I remember the euphoria of 2004 and 2007 even more clearly.

The Red Sox of my youth were full of talents like Pedro Martinez and vintage Nomar Garciaparra, pre-traitor Johnny Damon and pre-steroid (at least pre-caught using steroids) Manny Ramirez, original dirt dog Trot Nixon, and pre-Captain Jason Varitek.

I've been spoiled. I got to enjoy this golden era of Boston sports without living through any of the real lean seasons.  Until this year.  I missed watching most of the games this summer while working at a camp, and most days I would check the scores and be more happy than sad that I hadn't seen the carnage live.

And now here we are heading into October.  The Red Sox are about as far from the postseason as I can remember - last year and in 2010 we were still in it at this point.  In 2009, we were swept from the postseason by the Angels.  The Red Sox may not have won a postseason series (or even a postseason game) since 2008, my freshman year in college - but they've been in the hunt every year.

Now that I've graduated, and been dumped into the cold, cruel world, the Red Sox seem to have had the same rude awakening I've had: no one is going to hand you anything.  The AL East is a tough division to survive in, and this year the Red Sox sank.  I'm not sure what kind of moves the front office will be looking at to make next year better than this one, but I have some ideas - starting with taking a long, hard look at Bobby V.

What are your thoughts on the first losing season in fourteen years? Any suggestions for offseason moves? Leave them in the comments.

Idiots Remix: Manny Ramirez and Johnny Damon to the Rays

[Screengrabbed from tampabayrays.com]

Yes, you've been hearing correctly. The Tampa Bay Rays have officially signed Johnny Damon and Manny Ramirez for the 2011 season. Manny, of course, will spend the majority of his time as the designated hitter, while Damon will play left field, DH, and add some leadership to a club that's full of very promsing - but very young - talent.

As you all know, Ramirez and Damon were key pieces of the 2004 World Series Champion Red Sox, and while Damon skipped town for the Bronx in 2005, we had to put up with Manny being Manny until mid-2008, when he took his act out to "Mannywood" and the Dodgers.

Since being suspended for use of the women's fertility drug human chorionic gonadotropin (hCG) early last season, Manny's power has been somewhat diminished, but it is also worth noting that the once-feared slugger is now 38-years old, and he wouldn't be the first hitter to lose some power as he ages. [Personally, I always thought that of all the players in baseball, Manny was the one who could get caught with a women's fertility medication and actually claim he wanted a baby - it's just Manny being Manny, right? But I digress.]

No doubt Ramirez's presence in the clubhouse will present Manager Joe Maddon with a new set of challenges, starting with Spring Training, when Manny's grandmother will develop yet another illness that will result in his tardiness. Maddon has certainly proven his mettle at managing teams full of the ambitions and egos of young budding stars, but Manny Ramirez is another enigma altogether. Surely the manager will look to Manny's former teammate Damon for some pointers, and possibly even to keep the aging Ramirez in line.

Besides his admittedly useful leadership skills, Damon's biggest value at this stage in his career comes from his ability to get on base consistently. Now out of the friendly short-porch confines of Yankee Stadium for a season, Damon's home runs have fallen from 24 in 2009 to just 8 in 2010 - a steep drop-off, even for a 36-year-old. Of course, Damon's arm strength is as questionable as ever, so it's likely that a good portion of the $5.25 million Damon will be paid next season is for his clubhouse presence.

Ramirez, on the other hand, has nothing to offer but his bat - his defense has never been impressive (and it's worsened with age), and he's more of a detriment than a help to most clubhouses, so he'll only be getting $2 million in 2011. Oh, how the mghty have fallen: Ramirez once demanded that the Sox not pick up his option for 2009 because $20 million dollars was not enough (TWENTY MILLION DOLLARS!), and now three years later, he's a bargain-basement pickup.

All said, I think this is an excellent move by the Rays, who have watched a huge chunk of their young talent walk away to greener pastures this winter. Manny and Johnny could fit in nicely in Tampa Bay (Maddon will likely let Manny leave his famous dreadlocks be, after all), and the two have tremendous upside. Plus, we'll get to see them at Fenway eleven times this season.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For any of you wondering about my travels thus far, I'm currently deep in enemy territory in New York City for the start of my abroad program. I (of course) brought mostly Red Sox clothing, and so I've been getting the evil eye from more than a few New Yorkers. Last night at dinner, one even jokingly refused to serve me! I laughed, he laughed, and we both took our differences in stride, but I won't be surprised if I get some actual vitriol soon enough.... After all, they all must be pretty jealous of our stellar offseason, especially after the infamous Cliff Lee snub!

The Red Sox are not cheap.

Remember this guy? Proof.

The Marlins are cheap. The Rays are cheap. The Pirates are downright Scrooge-like. If I hear one more Red Sox fan bemoaning the "fact" that the Sox front office is "too cheap" to sign Adrian Gonzalez, I'm going to scream in frustration.

The problem in these talks is not money. It's never money, unless the Yankees are involved, because we all know Midas himself couldn't outbid the Junior Steinbrenners. No, the Red Sox are not afraid to overpay in dollars for talent (for proof, look no further than the draft bonuses that they've given out in recent years), but they are afraid of overpaying in terms of years.

This makes sense. Think back to when the Sox signed Manny Ramirez, way back in December of 2000. The slugging outfielder was given a guaranteed eight years, with two team options for 2009 and 2010, with a total value of $160 million, plus bonuses for the usual things (MVP, ASG, etc.). I think you know where this is going, but the front office had soured on Manny by 2006, and even the fans were tired of his act by 2008. He was shipped off to Mannywood in LA, the Sox got Jason Bay, and the rest is history.

The moral of the story is, of course, that you can never anticipate what a player will look like in three years, let alone eight. I would never venture to guess that Adrian Gonzalez has the kind of ego and make up issues that Ramirez does, but the point stands: the Red Sox are cautious in giving out long contracts, because they've been down that road before, and it doesn't end well.

I know that AGon is crazily consistent (I posted about it yesterday, in fact), but you never know when he'll break a few ribs in a freak accident a la Jeremy Hermida and Jacoby Ellsbury, or foul a ball off his foot like Pedey, and he might never be the same.

I can totally support the front office standing firm on this issue, because they value roster flexibility, and handing out crazy-long deals isn't conducive to that kind of strategy.

All that said, SI's Jon Heyman is reporting that a deal DID get done, and the press conference will be tomorrow. Hopefully, the terms make sense for both sides.

Say What? Waiver Rules and Johnny Damon.

Could this be in our future?

First of all, everybody take a nice, deep breath. There are 48 hours between the time that the Red Sox put a waiver claim on the oft-maligned Johnny Damon and the time that some action must be taken.

I understand that Red Sox Nation is currently in an uproar, which does nothing but expose our collective ignorance of how waiver claims actually work. This is particularly sad because I take pride in the fact that this fan base is always zealous and well-informed, and while the "zealous" part is covered by the shrieking emanating from all of New England, we're clearly not as wicked smahht as we like to think.

But no worries, friends. You don't have to admit to your baseball-obsessed neighbors and coworkers that you don't understand the waiver-wire, because I'm here to help explain.

As I'm sure you know, normal trades must be completed by the July 31st trading deadline, but if you pay attention you will also have noticed that the Sox generally get some new players after that deadline every year (Paul Byrd seems to be an annual favorite).

• After July 31st, all trades must be done through waivers, and if these players aren't acquired by August 31st, they are not eligible to play in the postseason.
• Teams can put any players on waivers, and they do not need to tell the players in question.
• Once a player is on waivers, other teams have 48 hours to put a claim in on that player.
• If multiple teams put in a claim, the team with the worst record in the league the player is currently on. If no teams from that league make a claim, the player goes to the team with the worst record in the other league.
• Once a player is claimed, their team has three options:

1. They can pull the player back. If this happens, he cannot be traded for 30 days.
2. They can work out a trade with the team that claimed him. Other players in the trade must also pass through waivers UNLESS they are not currently on a 40-man roster.
3. They can simply give the player to the other team, getting nothing in return, but the new team must pay the player's remaining salary.

• If no one claims the player, he can be traded to any team in the league.

So what does this mean for the Red Sox and Johnny Damon? First of all, it is very likely that the Red Sox put in a claim simply to stop the Yankees or Rays from getting him; since they are behind both teams in the standings, the Tigers could not trade Damon to New York or Tampa Bay once the Sox claimed him.

However, Damon has a no-trade clause that includes many teams, including Boston, so he can refuse to go, which would still keep him from the Yankees or Rays. Honestly, no Sox fan should be surprised, since there's been rampant speculation that the Sox would claim Manny Ramirez to keep him from their rivals, should he get placed on waivers by the fed-up Dodgers.

As for the wisdom of acquiring Damon? It can't possibly hurt this team's chances any more than the ludicrous 2010 Parade of Carnage, and Damon's former Sox teammates (Varitek, Papi, and Wake, chiefly) seem open to the idea. At this point, what do they have to lose?

Mannygate

I wasn't sure what to expect yesterday at Fenway Park. I can see both sides of the Manny situation: without his bat, the Red Sox would, as Joe Torre said, "never have hung those banners." But the end was brutal: quitting on the team, phantom injuries, disrespect to team employees.

I hadn't decided how to receive #99 when he made his first appearance by the time we got to the game, and then I reallized that the indecision WAS my decision: I couldn't bear to boo Manny, but neither did I think he deserved my cheers, and so I remained silent. When he came to the plate in the second inning, I think I was the only silent person in Fenway Park, as everybody got to their feet (you had to, just to be able to see). From where I was sitting, it sounded like the boos and cheers were about 50/50, and so my personal indecision felt defensible.

A bromance for the ages...

Not surprisingly, Ramirez is refusing to do any interviews while in town (he never particularly liked them), but he did speak animatedly with several current Sox players during batting practice, including Victor Marinez (whose son was in tow), and David Ortiz. While this was going on, people were cheering for Manny, and an usher stationed near my vantage point muttered, "steroid using asshole."

Of course, he said this loudly enough to be overheard, and several people looked at him in surprise: "What?" he asked, "I've been here twenty years... I know what goes on." This is an especially interesting tidbit when considering what really turned the tide on Manny's public opinion ratings was his mistreatment of another team employee, traveling secretary Jack McCormick.

It's worth noting that the team did nothing to stop Manny's skid from popularity. Manny Ramirez is exactly the kind of distraction that Theo does not want on the team, while Tito spent years trying - and apparently failing - to meet Manny's many needs, both on and off the diamond.

But through all the drama, we knew we were watching something special. Manny Ramirez has one of the most beautiful, effortless, right-handed swings in the game, and though a cynic might wonder how much of that power is due to chemical enhancement (especially since that incident with a certain banned women's fertility drug), from 2001 until mid-2008, no one was saying such things. It was "Manny being Manny," and we put up with all the lackadaisical defense and the off field antics, just for the chance to watch him belt one onto Landsdowne Street.

Thanks for the memories, indeed. And thanks for 2004, and for 2007.

But then it all came screeching to a halt, and I can remember the trade like it was yesterday: I was in the car, and I heard the news on WEEI. Unfortunately, the station was going in and out, and I didn't hear all of it, so I texted my baseball crazy cousin to confirm, and confirm he did. Manny was going to Hollywood, and we were getting some guy named Jason Bay.

Bay did a pretty good job, of course: he performed at a high enough level, with no off-field shenanigans, that some of us swore never to miss Manny. Last night, WEEI handed out posters that read "Who needs Manny?" and during that game, we didn't need him, and maybe we never did (depsite Papi's cries for lineup protection)... But it sure was fun watching Manny being Manny while it lasted. Happy trails, #99, I hope LA is treating you well.

A*Rod v. Manny

This morning (when I started this post), I was having a bit of writers block, so I decided on a picture post. What could be better than an awkward photo contest between one player from each Championship series? That's right, folks: this is A*Rod v. Manny - the best of the worst.

Manny starts the fight by exposing his tongue (and attempting to lick his goatee)....

...but A*Rod counters by exposing his moobs (and starring in the single most vomit-inducing photo of all time).

Manny shows off an impressively terrible hairdo...

...and Alex shows off his bad sportsmanship.

Manny's grill is for sale on EBay...

...but A*Rod's dignity is for sale to his teammate ("Please love me, Derek!").

Manny digs for affection from Manager Joe Torre...

...And Alex digs for gold in front of White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen.

Manny pretends he's an airplane...

...but Alex pretends he's attractive.

Manny sniffs his bat...

...and A*Rod sniffs a mirror.

Manny enjoys a bromance...

...BUT A*Rod wins, hands down, for the extreme stalkerish quality of this terrifying picture (credit to Center Field for this pic!).

(I did not take any of the above photographs, and the rights remain with their respective owners. All pictures are available via Google images if you type in "Awkward Alex Rodriguez" and "Awkward Manny Ramirez.")

So that sucked...

I had to go to bed right about when play resumed last night due to a wake up time of 6:00am. Normally, the game would be over at that point, but due to the rain delay, it was only the middle of the fourth inning. Needless to say, I figured the Red Sox lead would be safe. Not so. I woke up this morning to a text message relaying the bad news, and I couldn't believe it. I immediately got online to check the game recaps, and was forced to accept that the so-far almost infallible bullpen had absolutely imploded. Ugh. So I decided that today deserved a funny "Photo of the Day," because, in addition to that disgusting FAIL by the Sox last night, it's STILL raining in New Hampshire. Really, really, hard. And somehow, I need to figure out how to entertain around 50 4-8th graders inside for eight hours. I stumbled upon this gem, and just had to post it: it obviously is a paid endorsement for the wine pictured, but the photo(s) are priceless!From old friend Bobby Kielty with a double serving to JD Drew showing some emotion (even if it is awkward and obviously contrived), this grouping is all kinds of awesome. Manny and Papi are reunited in their former glory, which just has to put a smile on your face... I know I would be lying if I claimed that I didn't enjoy Manny's antics in the glory days. However, the best part, hands-down, is Youk "drinking" the product in question, with serious gusto. Or, in reality, pretending to drink it, since close inspection of the picture reveals that the seal is still firmly in place.

Yesterday's debacle convinced me that the players were ... erm... indulging... during the rain delay. At least, I would rather believe that than find an alternate explanation for why the bullben was an epic bucket of SUCK last night.

That's it for now, but here's hoping the game this afternoon is better, and also that I'll find some way to watch it, as I'm supposed to be watching the kids until at least five...

Quote of the Day (Oh, Manny)

Today's quote in not by a Red Sox player, nor is about about a Sox player... at least a current one.  Everyone knows about Manny by now, so I'll spare you all of that.  Suffice to say, this quote is by Ken Rosenthal, and is about Manny being Manny.

"As if there was any doubt, he is now the village idiot of baseball."

We all know Manny is somewhat of a savant: a genius at hitting, but somewhat clueless (I suspect intentionally) about most everything else.  I for one don't think this is good news, and I don't understand the Red Sox fans who are rejoicing.  Maybe I'm weird; I didn't exactly dance in the streets when A-Rod was outed either, even though Rodriguez was already so easy to hate.  I'm sick of hearing about how my childhood heroes are cheaters.  It's like finding out that the toothfairy doesn't floss or that Santa Claus is an anti-Semite.  No one likes hearing those things... they just hurt.  

For every new name in the headlines, the game takes a little more damage, something MLB doesn't really need in this economic climate, and, quite frankly, a phenomenon that I could do without.  Baseball has been a really good coping mechanism for me: if I'm having a bad day, I like to watch/listen to/write about/obsess over the Red Sox.  Any of my friends will tell you that I have an unhealthy obsession with this team, and with the sport in general, but in reality, baseball has helped me keep my sanity.  The last few years of my life have been filled with bad news, disappointments, and general misfortune.  Don't get me wrong, good things have happened too, and I appreciate every one of them, but the Red Sox have gotten me through a lot of bad times.  You can understand then why this blow to the game saddens me.  

I won't pretend that I never liked Manny, because he endeared himself to all of us before it turned bad.  However, he was not my favorite.  My favorite players have been those who aren't the prototypical slugger (currently Pedroia, obviously).  That's not to say I don't like the other players, because I do.  I feel reasonably secure that my current favorite won't break my heart (unless male-patterned baldness is a sign of PED use...?), but this news cuts pretty deep, for the simple reason that Manny was a stalwart in the Sox lineup all those summers.  Manny was a large part of my baseball obsession, because he was a large part of the Red Sox.  So I for one hope he's telling the truth, because I would much rather keep my current opinion of Manny being Idiotic than have to switch that to Manny being a Cheater.

Stop talking to A-Rod, it can only end badly... STOP IT!

[Almost] Spring Training and the "Steroid Era"

Kevin Youkilis and Jon Lester have already reported to Fort Meyers for Red Sox Spring Training.  Did I mention I love these guys?  In other spring-related news, it was warm enough in Connecticut this morning to wear shorts to the gym.  There's the proof: the snow will melt, the grass will grow, and there will be baseball again.

Thursday can't come soon enough; I'm really tired of this whole "off-season" thing.  I mean, does any really care where Manny ends up anymore?  I mean, as long as he's far, far away from Fenway Park, it's alright with me, and all signs point to the Dodgers, or possibly the Giants [although I have learned never to count the Yankees out].

In other news, no one is surprised that Alex Rodriguez allegedly failed a steroids test in 2003.  Mazz has a good piece about it in the Globe today: at this point, we can only guess who else is on that list.  Would anyone be blindsided if it came out Nomar was using while in Boston?  We already know about Mo Vaughn and Eric Gagne.  Who else could be on the list?  Jason Varitek is looking smaller these days, though the official explanation is that he never regained his weight after an illness early last season.  

The point is, the time to point fingers and gloat has passed [OK, maybe we can gloat a little].  Until the other 103 names on that list with A-rod are released, I for one will be operating under the assumption that at least one of my childhood heroes was a juicer.  The sad truth of it is that more players than we would like to believe were artificially enhanced, and that the most famous among them never needed to use.  Roger Clemens would have been a shoe-in for the hall before he ever met Brian McNamee.  Barry Bonds was one hell of a player, and would have been remembered fondly if he had never heard of BALCO.  And A-rod is a natural.  As much as it pains me to say it, Alex Rodriguez might be one of the most athletically gifted ballplayers of his generation.  However, once you get linked with steroids, your legacy is forever tainted [just ask Mark McGwire's brother].

Hopefully baseball can recover from this [although, if more people boycott, I might actually be able to get tickets].  But the "Steroid Era" is not over.  It won't be over until every last player who used has retired.  And A-rod still has nine years with New York.

Around the Horn: Jason Bay

"Jason Bay is like the dutiful, pretty second wife who does everything right … and yet, I can't stop thinking about the soul-wrenching tramp who married me first and broke my heart." - Bill Simmons

I think that about sums it up. As good a player as our favorite Canadian is [and he's good], he'll never be what Manny was. But would we want him to be? I'm on the fence on that one: on the one hand, some of the things Manny pulled were hilarious and endearing, but they just got to be too much.

The Boston media was skeptical of Jason Bay at first.  They knew that he couldn't replace Manny, but let's face it, we didn't want Manny, at least not the way he was behaving.  We were looking for vintage Manny, before he turned into a prima-donna.  However, what's most remarkable about the Jason Bay trade is that we got almost identical production out for Bay that we could have predicted from Manny [assuming, of course, that he decided to play].

In 100 games for Boston last season, Manny hit .299, .398 OBP, .529 SLG, with 20 HRs and 68 RBI.  In just under half that many games [49] Bay hit .293, .370 OBP, .527 SLG, with 9 HRs and 37 RBI.  Now, I understand that Manny was dogging it on his way out of town, however, if he hadn't been traded, I can only assume he would have quit for the rest of the season.  There's no way to prove such a thing, of course, and I hope winning meant more to him than that...

There's also the small fact that Jason Bay is a good defensive outfielder, and a consummate professional.  A lesser man would have gotten all worked up about replacing one of the greates right-handed hitters in the game.  Not Jason.  He knew that he wasn't there to be Manny... he was just their to play baseball, cooperate with his new teammates, and go for a championship.  All of these things Jason Bay has done, all we can hope for is that he'll keep it up, and since his carreer stats are similar to what he produced down the stretch, and he's almost as well liked in the clubhouse as Sean Casey, I'll hazard a guess that he has a productive 2009.

I'll end this with my apologies to Jason Bay [even though he'll never read it]: in making this entry about why Bay shouldn't be compared to Manny, all I did was compare him to Manny [oops].  However, I will end with the best Jason Bay quote I've encountered thus far.

"It's just a tiny little nick, but it hurts when I get champagne in their." - Jason Bay, after scoring the winning run in Game 4 of the ALDS, the first postseason series he ever played in.  I love this guy.

Around the Horn: Kevin Youkilis

Going through the Red Sox one player at a time, by position, while hoping that by the time I get to catcher Theo will have signed someone other than Josh Bard for me to talk about. First up, our first baseman, Kevin Youkilis.

After Dustin Pedroia, Youk is probably my favorite Sox player. Even though the goatee is getting a little out of hand, you have to love the hard-nosed way he plays the game, especially during an era in which the "superstars" have decided that it's beneath them to run out a ground ball. Remember the scuffle between Youk and Manny this summer in the dugout? Apparently, Manny was annoyed at Youk's behavior [mostly the fact that he mourns every out he makes like the loss of a loved one]. News flash, Mr. Ramirez: fans would much rather see Youkilis mouth profanities after striking out on a nasty fastball from Mariano Rivera than watch you standing in the batter's box, thinking you've hit a homer off of some no-name rookie, then seeing you stranded on first base on what could [should] have been a sure double. Weird, right?

Anyway, as a player, you can't ask for much more than what Kevin Youkilis gives you. His 2008 stats: in 145 games Youk hit .312, had an OBP of .390, and slugged .569. He hit 29 home runs, six more than Big Papi, who admittedly was not himself. For all the Mark Teixeira mania, I'm totally OK with having Youkilis as the first baseman; after all, they have eerily similar stats. Youk is marginally the weaker hitter, but it would really depend on what statistics you consider most important. Youkilis' batting average was actually four points higher than Teixeira's, but if you subscribe to the Billy Beane theory that OBP trumps all, than you might take Teixeira's .410 over Youk's .390 - but it's not like the numbers are drastically different.

Youkilis also has uncommon versatility for someone of his hitting prowess. As we all saw when Mike Lowell succumbed to his hip injury, Youk plays a mean third base. Most Sox fans know that he actually came up as a third baseman, and made the switch to first pretty late in his development, turning himself into a Gold Glove first baseman who set the record for consecutive errorless games at the position.

The bearded wonder is also one of those players who can always be depended on to get his uniform dirty. He wears his heart on his sleeve, which Sox fans generally love, though players around baseball find it rather grating [no one more so, apparently, than Joba Chamberlain]. In his spare time, Youkilis and his new wife run a charity foundation, Youk's Hits for Kids. The proceeds from his charity events go to benefit children in the Boston and Cincinnati areas.

According to the Boston Globe, Youkilis will go with a one year contract this year: though the Sox did talk to his agent about a long term deal a la Dustin Pedroia, the sides were too far apart to come to an agreement this year. Hopefully, they'll be able to come to terms in the upcoming year, because I for one hope to see Kevin Youkilis anchoring the corners at Fenway for years to come.

Manny:

If I read one more comment on the internet asking why the Sox aren't offering a contract to this clown, I'm going to freak out. Seriously, it's not like there's a huge buzz for his services even among teams that he didn't quit on in the middle of a pennant race.

I mean, are Red Sox fans so quick to forget that? Is it suddenly OK, in the wake of losing out on Teixeira, to throw common sense to the wind and re-sign the team's biggest and most expensive[albeit productive - when it suited him] headache in recent memory? Are Sox fans willing to overlook the fact that he was such a problem in the clubhouse that Francona, a manager famous for backing up his players, couldn't wait to get rid of a man who has accumulated over 1700 RBIs in his prodigious career? Obviously, Manny was a pain beyond what we as fans saw: the conveniently timed phantom "injuries," the shoving of an elderly team employee, the three-pitch strikeout at Yankee Stadium when the bat never even left his shoulder, etc.

It is absolutely true that Manny Ramirez is an exceptionally talented ballplayer: he is a lock for the Hall of Fame, is arguably the best right-handed hitter of his time, and even showed the world that he is capable of impressive speed on the base paths (once he escaped from big, bad, Boston). But for all the talk of a player's "intangibles" as part of his worth for a team (see "Varitek, Jason"), where is the acknowledgement of negative intangibles? Because as fun as Manny can be to watch - like when he makes a jumping, high-fiving, double play, for instance - it can often be downright infuriating to watch Manny being Manny and realize that the ticket you purchased (for entirely too much money) is helping to pay the obscenely large salary of a clown who literally rolls around left field like a tee baller with ADHD.

Don't get me wrong, I realize Manny was an instrumental part of the World Championships the Sox have won in the last five years, and for that I am eternally grateful. But Theo has a well-earned reputation for making deals that are good for the team, and for letting aging players walk before they fall apart. It astounds me that there are fans out there who are so panicked about the lack of a true power bat in the (tentative) 2009 lineup that they are willing to overlook the emotional turbulence that Manny subjected us (not to mention people actually employed by the Red Sox) to in his seven and a half seasons here. In Theo We Trust: I believe he has something up his sleeve, and even if he doesn't now, he'll figure it out soon enough.

Just in case I left you with any doubt, MANNY IS NOT COMING BACK, and nor should he. I prefer to remember him when he was a positive member of the team: 2004 World Series MVP, the walk-off HR during the 2007 playoffs, hitting #500 in Baltimore. Manny is a great player, and he'll probably continue to be - we can just hope that his greatness resides in the National League.