Red Sox Canine Soulmates

Since there was  no game yesterday for me to recap (Sox offdays are DEATH for my fantasy team - and my sanity), I decided to get a little silly with today's post.  If you were looking for insight, statistics, or reasoned discourse, you should come back tomorrow, because I found a website that is too fun to be allowed.

It's called Doggelganger, and yes, it does exactly what you think it does.  So of course, being me, instead of putting my own photo into the matcher, I put in tonight's (presumable) starting lineup.  So without further ado, the canine soulmates of the Boston Red Sox [click the photos to enlarge]:

CF: Jacoby Ellsbury and Max

 2B: Dustin Pedroia and Kim

1B: Adrian Gonzalez and Tiki

3B: Kevin Youkilis and Grace

DH: David Ortiz and Ella

LF: Darnell McDonald and Seamus

RF: JD Drew and Grace (Yes, the site paired Youk and Drew with the same dog. I don't know about you, but the mental image of them sharing a pet brings me to tears of hilarity.)

 SS: Marco Sutaro and Sheilah

C: Jarrod Saltalamacchia and Cade

P: Jon Lester and Lady

Yes, I know, useless from a baseball point of view... But some of these dogs are probably really good defensively.

What [Not?] to Wear.

As most of you know by now, I'm going to Opening Day tomorrow night (what a strange sentence...). I'm having a bit of a struggle deciding which of many Red Sox shirts to wear, and I thought you guys could help me out. (Don't worry, I'll do a pitching preview tomorrow before I go!)


This one always makes me laugh. Beyond its obvious double-entendre, the shirt says "I never forget my fandom," which is certainly true of me.
I don't think I'll go with this one, mostly because I'll be in the presence of the actual Green Monster (though, alas, not atop it), and it seems strange to wear it while at Fenway Park.

My version of this shirt has "PEDROIA" and #15 on the back, so it has the wonderful duality of being a shirt that represents my favorite player and a sentiment I support.

This is the frontrunner so far, it being Easter Sunday and all. I don't want to offend anyone's religious sensibilities, though.
I bought this one for my mom last Mother's Day, and it says "MOM" #1 on the back. I know it meant a lot to her, and it's one of my favorite things to remember her by.

This one is great because it (a) rhymes and (b) it's about Dustin Pedroia. As you know, I LOVE HIM.


Again, about Dustin Pedroia. Also, I wore this to ALDS Game 4 (clincher!) and ALCS Game 5 (epic comeback) in 2008, so it's known to be lucky.Self explanitory. Opening Day is all about renewed hope and belief that your team will be playing deep into October, and I'm all for that.

So what do you guys think? Let me know in the comments, or via Facebook, Twitter, or email if you prefer. I'll take tons of pictures tomorrow, so never fear.

Cast of Characters

This morning, as I was wasting my life away on the internet, I came across the following Tweet:

Jerry_Remy Someone just told me that #RedSox lack personality-they're all just "nice guys"-no Mannys,no Millars, no Damons--what do you think?-Jerry

First off, for those of you wondering, that is in fact the REAL Jerry Remy... Follow him! Secondly, whoever told him that the Sox lack personality was clearly crazy. Immediately, people starting replying, listing off current players with "personality," and it got me thinking about the different types of characters in the Red Sox clubhouse, and how well they've gelled for the past few years.

Let's start with Timmy Wakefield, the elder statesman. Wake does more for charity than any other member of the team, and is universally respected throughout the game for his hard-work and perseverance.

Lester was forced to grow up quickly, and though he's pretty reserved, you've got to believe that when he speaks, people listen. Also, he isn't too cool to walk around Fort Myers with a glove on his head. Personality points for him!

Yes, this is Josh Beckett with a puppy. The fiery righty EXUDES personality... Sure, he might utter some *baseball terms* to thick-headed members of the media (I'm looking at you, Heidi Watney), but his heart is definitely in the right place.

Tell me again how this team has no personality? David Ortiz has arguably the biggest personality in the game, to go along with the biggest grin. He hasn't clowned around as much publicly since the departure of his partner in crime, Manny Ramirez, but he's still a presence in the clubhouse.

Now, I've never seen much of new center fielder Mike Cameron, but he's been a member of several notoriously tight ballclubs, and is cited over and over as a favorite on and off the field for his leadership.

On October 2, 2009 Jonathan Papelbon told the Globe's Amalie Benjamin "to put the fact that he's a sheriff in Mississippi into a story. Also called himself Lord CincoOcho. Seriously." Yeah, Paps has no personality... his bullpen cohorts must be bored to tears.

According to Ian Brown, Youkilis has a quick wit about him as well.: "'This is what brings teams together. Bad haircuts.' -Kevin Youkilis, as a mob of teammates surround [Nick] Green in the bathroom. (Via Twitter, Sept. 12, 2009). The first baseman even has a Twitter page devoted to his facial hair.

Okay, okay... I saved my favorite for last. But how could you argue that a team with this guy on it has no personality? According to Joe Haggerty, "Dustin Pedroia was rocking a GI Joe T-shirt [presumably the same one in the photo] in the clubhouse, and yelled at Ortiz: 'That's right. I am a Real American Hero.'" He also reportedly told Amalie Benjamin that Curt Schilling's contribution to the US Senate would be "Probably a big appetite."

Fan-FAIL

Today's a really busy day for me, so since I'll have very little time, here's a series of photos documenting some failures on the part of the sports' fan.

We'll start off with a college hoops game... How do you spell O-H-I-O?

More spelling problems from the good people of New York... Unless they meant "JEST," as in, "Our entire fandom is a joke."

You knew those NASCAR fans wouldn't disappoint. Dude, if your back is hairy enough to allow this, please keep it covered up.

I know those Wrigley Field bleachers get a lot of sun, but seriously? You're wearing a baseball cap with a brim designed for just this purpose. Turn it around, you look like an idiot.

I sincerely hope this was a one game thing... I mean, it shows a lot of dedication. But let's be honest: A*Rod never deserves to be mentioned with Jeter... You just can't compare them. And to immortalize A*Rod on your shaved head? TACKY.

And in case you thought I was being biased, here's some of Red Sox Nation's very own... Work on that depth perception, kids: you'll get-em next time.

And the Oscar Goes to... Derek Jeter

Derek Jeter is a good baseball player. He's a consistant bat, and he plays below average defense (just ask Bill James). He's also talented at getting consideration for completely undeserved awards. I DO have a grudging respect for the Yankees captain....

But this afternoon, Derek Jeter was awarded his fourth AL Gold Glove Award, which is absolutely ridiculous. Jeter's range is tiny, and he makes so many unnecessary pirouettes that the NYC Ballet gets dizzy just watching him.

So, without further ado, here's a list of things with a better range than Derek Jeter:

Zac Efron.

Jar Jar Binks.

This guy.

My Grandmother (okay, this isn't MY grandmother... but she is pretty badass).

Mickey Mouse.A Red Sox Mr. Potato Head

A banana.

10-year-old Jason Varitek.

And Elmo.

Oh, well. Congrats on the (hollow) Gold Glove, Jetes.

A*Rod v. Manny

This morning (when I started this post), I was having a bit of writers block, so I decided on a picture post. What could be better than an awkward photo contest between one player from each Championship series? That's right, folks: this is A*Rod v. Manny - the best of the worst.

Manny starts the fight by exposing his tongue (and attempting to lick his goatee)....

...but A*Rod counters by exposing his moobs (and starring in the single most vomit-inducing photo of all time).

Manny shows off an impressively terrible hairdo...

...and Alex shows off his bad sportsmanship.

Manny's grill is for sale on EBay...

...but A*Rod's dignity is for sale to his teammate ("Please love me, Derek!").

Manny digs for affection from Manager Joe Torre...

...And Alex digs for gold in front of White Sox Manager Ozzie Guillen.

Manny pretends he's an airplane...

...but Alex pretends he's attractive.

Manny sniffs his bat...

...and A*Rod sniffs a mirror.

Manny enjoys a bromance...

...BUT A*Rod wins, hands down, for the extreme stalkerish quality of this terrifying picture (credit to Center Field for this pic!).

(I did not take any of the above photographs, and the rights remain with their respective owners. All pictures are available via Google images if you type in "Awkward Alex Rodriguez" and "Awkward Manny Ramirez.")