Et tu, Scott?

When people ask me what I want to be when I grow up, I have two words for them:

Scott Boras.

Now, most people who would pose the above question have no idea who Boras is, so I have to explain it to them, and those who know him, loathe him. I understand the ire towards Boras, but you have to admit that he's damn good at his job.

Players hire Boras to get them the most lucrative contract possible, and he has a nearly foolproof strategy: shop the player around to as many teams as he can, drive the price sky-high, and then call Brian Cashman. As a fan of a team outside of the Bronx, watching this process year in and year out can be downright sickening, but it's undeniably effective.

The de facto owners of the Yankees, Hank and Hal Steinbrenner have raised greed and entitlement to an art form, and while dear old George was at least somewhat intimidating, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum just come off as whiny. Boras understands the dynamic in New York, and he exploits it for the financial benefit of his clients and himself. You have to respect his cold efficiency.

I would love to be a baseball agent as successful as Mr. Boras: he's good at his job, and he apologizes to no one. However, there's one thing about Boras I simply cannot stand, and it's his propensity for creating needless drama with the things he says to the media. For instance, this gem from yesterday:

"Well, after this season, I would say that the Boston Red Sox had a chance to sign Mark Teixeira before the New York Yankees did. Because we gave them an offer. That's the best I can do for owners, when you give them a chance to sign a player. The player was earnest in coming here at the time and he presented them with an offer and they could have accepted it."

Mr. Boras, I'd like to call shenanigans on that statement. Is there anyone else who thinks that the "offer" he's referring to probably was about sixteen figures and included John Henry's kidney and Theo Epstein's firstborn child?

Awwww...

Seriously. The Yankees were always going to get the last call, because that's Boras' game: if New York can use his client in any conceivable way, he looks to them last. There's nothing wrong with that from a business standpoint - it works. But don't go around patronizing Sox ownership and fans, Scott. We know how you do things; we've seen it a million times. And you know what? It's just as nauseating as it is effective.