The Red Sox have more fun than your team

Things I learned from Intentional Talk this week:

• Ryan Dempster described Junichi Tazawa’s locker as “a warehouse to a Costco.”
• Clay Buchholz does NOT want to share an ice bath with Josh Beckett.
• Will Middlebrooks says Mike Napoli (sunbathing on the pitchers mound) spends the most time looking in the mirror.
• Jarrod Saltalamacchia says he kissed Skip Schumaker’s wife.
• Jake Peavy would sing “My Heart Will Go On” with Celine Dion at her concert
• Jonny Gomes really wants to take a cross country roadtrip with Peavy, and Peavy was like, “Aiight.”
• Peavy bought the Indian Chief statue from a cigar shop in San Francisco.
• Peavy has vowed that the entire team will take a cross country roadtrip on a duckboat if the Red Sox win the World Series, and the Indian Chief statue is going to drive, and they’ll stop in Vegas to see Celine Dion.
• David Ross has purchased “feminine products” for his wife, and found the experience embarrassing.
• Jonny Gomes on Mike Napoli’s celebration antics: “If you had that body, why would you wear a shirt?” Gomes suggested Napoli play all nine innings shirtless.
• Gomes offered Kevin Millar a job as his “man-nanny.”
• Millar then invited Gomes to a “sleepover” at his hotel.
• This team shares a beard brush.

Limping Pinstripes

While the Red Sox are pondering what to do without David Ortiz for the first couple weeks of the season, the Yankees are having a similar problem - though multiplied in severity. We already knew that Alex Rodriguez was going to be out for at least half the season recovering from hip surgery, but his absence is just the tip of the iceberg.

Mark Teixeira is out at least until mid-May with a strained tendon in his right wrist, and he's lucky to be avoiding surgery. Curtis Granderson fractured his arm on February 24th when he was hit by a pitch, and will also be out more than a month.

Luckily for the Yankees, CC Sabathia has seemingly recovered from his offseason surgery, and is scheduled to return this Friday. Meanwhile, it's only due to Ichiro Suzuki's unique brand of badassery that he emerged from a car accident unscathed last week.

The Yankees are getting desperate as some of their most talented (and well-compensated) veterans succumb to freak accidents and the ravages of aging, apparently asking Chipper Jones to come out of retirement to shore up the roster (he declined). Kevin Millar, unable to resist a joke, had this to say:

But even GM Brian Cashman isn't content with contributing to the team by signing players. No, he felt the need to show his solidarity with his battered troops by earning a fracture of his own - while skydiving, of all things.

So while it's certainly a huge bummer to be missing David Ortiz for a little while, we can take comfort in the fact that things could always be worse - and that they're finally worse for the Yankees.

The Greatest Day in Twitter History

I'm going to keep this short and sweet, but the greatest Twitter event of my life (and I've been on Twitter for four years now) has finally occurred. That's right, the one and only Dustin Pedroia is on Twitter, and when I woke up to this news, I literally jumped for joy.

As you all know, Pedroia is my all time favorite player - and he's a trash talker extraordinaire  so here's hoping we see a lot more exchanges like this one:

I've literally been looking forward to this for years, and I'd like to thank the people who tweeted at me/messaged me that this had happened, as I'm somewhat off the grid this week and might have otherwise missed days worth of priceless tweets from the Laser Show.

Five Minute Musings

1. I haven't had the chance to see Knuckleball! yet, but now I can't wait for this "sequel."  The spoof from MLB.com's Fan Cave features RA Dickey, Phil Niekro, and old friend Tim Wakefield as a crime-fighting trio.  The video (above) is just about ninety seconds, and it will probably be the best minute and a half of your day.
2. I don't know if you caught this story from Boston.com, but it features Manny Ramirez, Johnny Damon, and Kevin Millar jumping into the jacuzzi with Pedro Martinez before a game in 2004.  There's also an aside from Pedro about strategic signing of the inside of the Monster "so Manny doesn't pee on it."
3. As you know, my roommate and I went to the final home game of the season and unveiling of the All Fenway Team last week.  The whole thing was incredible, and since we temporarily commandeered dugout-side seats (until an usher kicked us out) I was able to take some great photos.  If you want to check them out, there are some posted on the Tumblr attached to this blog, or you can Like this blog on Facebook and see the full album.
4. Ben Cherington as good as said that Bobby V. won't be returning next season. No one is surprised, but what's next? Varitek is headed to the front office (and as I said in my last post, I don't think it would work - at least right now), and the All Fenway Team Manager is said to be interested in managing in Cleveland.  Who do you want to see in the role next season?
5. With the playoffs drawing closer, and the Red Sox so far out (and for so long) I've been thinking about whiuch team(s) I want to support through the postseason.  Yes, I'm a Red Sox fan, but I'm also a BASEBALL fan, and I need to have a few rooting interests. I've gone with the Rangers the last couple Red Sox-less postseasons (mostly because I love Ian Kinsler), but I have some other ideas this time around.  Are you going to hop on a postseason bandwagon? Boycott the playoffs entirely? Let me know in the comments!