Friday, June 4, 2010

Sox Superlatives: 2010

It's that time of year again: most colleges have already had their commencements, and high schools around the country are in the thick of graduation season. You know what goes with graduation? YEARBOOKS, and my personal favorite part of any yearbook is the superlatives. Though the Red Sox are just about a third of the way through the season, Off the Monster will take a stab.

Most confident:
I know the popular choice would be Pedey, but hear me out. Clay Buchholz was always that prospect who "had to work on his confidence." The stauff was always there; we were waiting for the mentality to catch up. Well, I'd say he's caught up now, and the results are BEAUTIFUL.

David Ortiz was the AL Player of the month for May, and he is absolutely destroying the ball rght now. It's almost like having vintage Papi back, and I have to say I like it.

Most likely to kill a deer:

Most ridiculous accent:

Jon Lester is from Washington. Yet somehow, he speaks with a southern twang. I'm going to go ahead and pin this one on Josh Beckett.

Again, DUH.

Most likely to be on his knees:

No, not like that! Adrian Beltre makes defensive plays from his knees, but he's also hit two homers this way. It's so ridiculous. Also, AWESOME.

Most likely to be found in the nurses office:
This is a no-brainer. Ells has spent most of the season on the DL, and there are no signs indicating that this will change any time soon. Valid or not, speculation that his pain threshold is too low, or that he's somehow "soft," have been buzzing around for a while now.

Teacher's pet:
It's no secret that Theo LOVES JD Drew, even defending him against the haters. But honestly, I love him too. His numbers speak for themselves, and he's the most badass ginger ever. Drew Crew forever!

Father of the year:
Dustin Pedroia just has to win this one. Have you ever seen a cuter child? I'll answer for you: you haven't, because Dylan Pedroia is the most adorable baby ever. Also, Pedroia has been quoted as saying "He's growing so fast. He's bigger than me." Love it. He clearly LOVES his Uncle Tito... I wonder if Dylan can beat the skipper at cribbage?

Best dressed:
I have to give this one to Paps, even though they all look pretty snappy. You can tell by the look on his face that he's really COMMITTING to the outfit. And you just know that he'd wear that getup on the mound if Theo would allow it.

Most likely to succeed:
Last year, I picked Daniel Bard, which turned out to be a good call. This year?It's a more difficult choice, as there aren't any prospects as close as Bardo was. Nevertheless, I'm going to go out on a limb and nominate the recently promoted OF Ryan Kalish. We might not see him this year, but I'm keeping an eye out for him in 2011.

Class flirt:
Come on. You know I had to do it. Jason Varitek, Nick Green... Who's on her radar this season?

Any I missed? Sound off in the comments!

1 comment:

  1. I pray many times a day that I will someday be on Heidi Watney's radar. She is pretty reviled by female fans though.

    For best accent though, I would have gone with Lackey. He sounds like a Muppet, and it's awesome.