Gag me:

OK, first of all: vomit.

Now that's out of my system... Is he serious? Really, does he think that anyone believes that his sordid history with the Red Sox had nothing to do with this move? All that nonsense about being closer to his family, most of whom live in Baltimore... maybe he wasn't aware that he actually could have signed for a similar amount of money to play in Baltimore?

Personally, I think Scott Boras (who you have to admire, even if you don't like him: when people ask me what I want to do with my life, I often tell them that I dream of being Scott Boras-but that's another story) used Teixeira's longstanding grudge against Boston in order to orchestrate this whole thing. The Red Sox uncharacteristically made it very clear that they coveted Teixeira; the Yankees love swooping in at the last minute and signing someone away from Boston; the incident between Teixeira and the Sox happened so long ago (almost TEN YEARS). Most people would be over it by now, especially considering that the perpetrator here, Dan Duquette, has long since been fired, but not Marky Mark.

This was the perfect way to stick it to Boston: not only were they used to drive up his price, but he got the ultimate satisfaction of signing with the team with the worst connotations for the Red Sox.

OK, yes, that was terrible. It was hard enough to take his signing with the Yankees, but another thing entirely to swallow all that sludge he spewed about the greatness of the Yankees. News flash: I didn't buy it when it was coming out of CC Sabathia's mouth (actions speak way louder than words in that case: it was pretty obvious that CC was waiting for someone-anyone-to come anywhere near the Yankee's offer. No one stepped up, the Yankees bid against themselves, and the rest is history.), and I don't buy it now. The only glimmer of truth that I heard in the whole thing was about his wife. She told him "I want you to be a Yankee." Sorry Leigh, but I heard that you simply didn't want to come to Boston, for whatever reason. Good for her: I'm pretty sure no one in Boston wants her there anyway (was it just me, or did she look like she was about twelve years old?).

All in all, it's fine. I - like most other Sox fans, I suspect - am going to love hating this man. In an ironic twist, Teixeira took Yankee's jersey #25, the same number as Mike Lowell, the man the Red Sox would probably have traded to make room for him. Sorry, Mark, but you're not fit to shine Mike Lowell's spikes. Lowell is the very definition of a consummate professional. There is no way he would hold a grudge against an organization for something that happened nearly a decade before. Heck, Lowell won't even hold a grudge against the Sox for shamelessly offering him as trade bait for months.

I hope Teixeira's been taking notes from Lowell on how to be a class act. He'll need them on April 24, during his first at-bat at Fenway Park. He'll probably get the fan reaction usually reserved for dear old Joba Chamberlain when he throws a heater at Youk's head. And his wife? The jeers directed at her will rival those normally hurled at A-Rod.

You know what? I can't wait.