Panic!

There is entirely too much going on in my life this week.  It's finals week here at Trinity College (the home of basic cable and no NESNplus), and I have four of them (English tomorrow at noon, Constitutional Law Thursday at nine, American Political Thought Thursday at noon, and Urban Politics Friday at 3).  Yes, I have the very last final, all but ensuring that, by the time it's over, I won't be able to leave Hartford in time to catch the Sox play Tampa Bay once I get home (maybe that's a good thing, judging by this past series....).

Am I truly expected to be able to focus on studying when the Sox just lost three of four down at the Trop, and are now heading to New York to play a pair in that brand new launching pad in the Bronx?  I mean, in the grand scheme of things, what's more important: Charles Dickens' Bleak House or the fact that David Ortiz went approximately 0-for-5,084 this weekend?  The evolution of the Supreme Court's interpretation of privacy or our starting rotation possessing a 5.50 ERA?  I mean, I can see where the whole "right to privacy" debate might affect me, but the only Bleak House I'm worried about is Fenway Park if Ortiz doesn't stop impersonating Mo Vaughn - and fast.

Alright, the Yankees series will be over after my English final, but then there's Cleveland, and then Tampa Bay (luckily at friendly Fenway), and If you think I'll be able to focus while watching Justin Masterson try to get back on track (Wednesday night), or hoping Tim Wakefield continues his torrid pace (Thursday night), then you haven't been paying attention.  This could be a problem.  However, if the Sox can win 3-4 games out of their next five, and I escape the semester with a 3.4ish GPA, I'll consider this week a success... If I can even get through it.

My friend Becca and me at the new Yankee Stadium during their exhibition against the Cubs on April 4... Yes, she's the Yankee fan.

Calendar Boys: Where is Papelbon's Mojo?

Since Trinity College doesn't get anything more than basic cable, I couldn't watch the game last night on NESNplus, so I won't be writing about it (by all accounts it was a disappointment, so hopefully no one will be too upset).

However, as yesterday was May 1st, I had to switch my calendar page, and, being the obsessive compulsive fan that I am proud to be, it's a Red Sox calendar (obviously).  This month the picture is of the inimitable Jonathan Papelbon.  I'll admit to being a little disappointed last month when I turned to April (my favorite month, after October) and saw that the photo was of Jacoby Ellsbury.  Now, I've made my feelings about Ellsbury pretty clear, and the way he started off April didn't exactly inspire me to have confidence in him... if fact, I'm quite sure I dedicated at least one Off the Monster rant to his seeming inability be be a productive leadoff hitter.

Fortunately, by the end of the Month of Ellsbury, Golden Boy was was batting .273, which, on the surface, isn't really that impressive, but in the last two weeks he has been hitting at a .321 clip.  Perhaps that steal of home inspired him to not swing at the fist pitch get on base more often.  I'm convinced that once he learns to do that, he'll be a respectable leadoff man (meaning on base) and be able to utilize his game changing speed.

Now, on to my actual point.  Papelbon (Mr. May, on my calendar), has been somewhat less than impressive this year.  Though the closer boasts six saves and a 1.74 ERA, he has also allowed six walks.  Paps only allowed eight walks over the entire 2008 season.  He's also hit a batter.  Just one, you might ask? No big deal, except for the fact that he hasn't hit anyone with a pitch since 2007.  Papelbon has had an effective career thus far not because he can throw 95-98 MPH, because lots of pitchers can do that.  The Sox closer is effective because he throws at such velocities with pinpoint control, and has a splitter he can throw to keep batters off balance.  

There have been some worrisome signs from Mr. Papelbon during the month of April.  The control is not where we have come to expect it to be, and though he is first in the league is saves right now, it's only a matter of time before those walk totals come back to bite him.  There's been some talk that John Farrell is working with Paps on some minor mechanical adjustment: hopefully that will help him get his pitches where they need to be.  I would like it very much if Papelbon continued the trend of the player on my calendar improving during his month.  (Julio Lugo is in November... when this year's World Series is... gulp.)

Unfortunately, Josh Beckett's scheduled Month of Improvement isn't until August. David Ortiz? December. Oh, dear...

There can be only ONE...

So, I was on Twitter last night while I watched the game, and I had an epiphany.  Cyn at Toeing the Rubber asked "Who broke Josh Beckett?"  And it came to me.  Now, I have to give credit to Texy over at Center Field for this post, without which I never would have figured out Josh's problems.

Obviously, as I said on Twitter, "The pitching gods are mad that he tried to clone himself in Lester... There can only be ONE Josh Beckett." Now, without that insightful post from Center Field, I might not have noticed the alarming rate at which Lester is transforming from Beckett's protege to some sort of creepy clone of the man with the soul patch, but it all fits together now.  Obviously, some higher power of baseball is upset... I can only imagine that if Lester were right-handed like Beckett is, the top 40% of our rotation would have already been struck by lightning.  Or maybe a plague of locusts.

I mean, think about it: the two were already similar, just by virtue of both being tall, fireballing badasses who were drafted straight out of high school.  Now, Beckett seems to have made it his mission to make Lester his carbon copy (this would be more awesome if either of them were pitching better).  I say enough is enough.  Obviously, someone is upset at this travesty.  Only Josh Beckett is allowed to talk of "executing pitches" like it's the be-all, end-all.  Only Josh Beckett is allowed to go on crazy hunting trips with Mike Timlin (in all fairness, I don't know if this has technically ever occurred).  And only Josh Beckett can pull of the awkward soul-patch, under the chin goatee thing (seriously Lester, this is a bad look).

I also decided that Beckett is allergic to Tropicana Field... I mean, I know it makes me want to vomit.  So all we have to do to get the vintage Beckett back (beyond getting the heck out of Tampa) is get someone to slap some sense into Lester and give him the advice that every fifth grader needs: "Just be yourself.  I promise we'll still love you."  Once we have two distinct pitchers at the top of the rotation, I'm confident the pitching gods will lift the plague they've put on the Boston starters (all those under the age of forty, that is).  I'm not religious, but if the pitching gods want a sacrifice, I'm offering Matt Garza: we'll ask Coco Crisp to fight him in a steel cage match... everyone knows that Coco owns Tampa Bay pitching, at least in fist fights.

Can someone explain how Lester is listed as three inches shorter than Beckett?