The NFL Doesn't Care About Women

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Let's be clear on one thing right off the bat: the NFL doesn't hate women.

No, the NFL can't hate women, because to hate someone or something, you have to give that person or thing a measure of attention and importance, and it's obvious by now that the powers that be at the National Football League have never in their lives spared a passing thought for women.

Oh sure, long enough to dye some merchandise pink - but that's not about women, really, it's about women's money.

Then again, why should we be surprised? The NFL doesn't care about the health and safety of its own players until its bottom line is threatened, so why should it care about the women those players spend their time with?

The NFL decided that "probably knowing" that someone was deflating footballs was worth twice as many games suspended and $941,177 more in fines than beating a woman. Sure, Ray Rice ended up missing more games, but not until a horrific video surfaced and the NFL was facing public anger.

But we never stay very angry for long, do we? Ben Roethlisberger, serial rapist, takes the field every Sunday for Pittsburgh. Oh, and by the way, the suspension he served? Four games.

Darryl Washington smoked marijuana - a victimless crime, and completely legal now in multiple states - and he was suspended sixteen games. So, according to the NFL's metric, using a drug that can hardly be considered performance enhancing is eight times worse than beating a woman, and four times worse than sexually assaulting multiple women.

Terrelle Pryor was suspended five games for accepting gifts while in college. So accepting free stuff [when the NCAA is phenomenally broken] is two-and-a-half times as bad as beating a woman, and 25% worse than sexually assaulting multiple women.

[In case you think the Ray Rice penalty was some sort of exception, Sam Brandon, Leroy Hill, Brandon Underwood, and Cary Williams  were all suspended just two games for beating women.]

"But what they do off the field doesn't interfere with the integrity of the game the way deflating footballs does," you might protest, if you're an asshole who thinks having rapists and woman-beaters on the field doesn't affect the integrity of the game.

If you genuinely see no problem with the punishments laid out by the NFL in response to various infractions, I want you to look every woman you know in the face and tell them that you are more concerned with deflating footballs and smoking marijuana than you would be by their abuser being on the field.

Even if there was video proof that Tom Brady let air out of those footballs personally, while smoking a blunt and giggling to himself, his transgressions would not be worse than those of Rice, Roethlisberger, Brandon, Hill, Underwood, and Williams.

To be clear, I'm not suggesting that cheating on the field is acceptable, or even that Brady shouldn't be punished - the point of all this is that the NFL's own metric for punishment values the lives and safety of women less than it does a few hisses of air from game balls.

The NFL doesn't care about women. The NFL has never, ever cared about women - even when they try to pay lip service to the idea, it rings hollow.

The NFL doesn't care about women, so I'm done with the NFL. I'm not buying any more merchandise, or watching anymore games until they make this right.

Given their track record, I think it's safe to assume I'll be strictly a baseball fan from here on out.

Haters Gonna Hate (Our Duckboats)

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Another year, another championship, another parade for the people of Boston - and for those of us who have sadly left the friendly confines of New England, but always keep our hometown teams in our hearts.

The turn of the millennium signaled a shift change for the once-beleaguered fans of the Patriots and Red Sox (and for the less unfortunate Bruins and Celtics fans). Since 2000, New England sports fans have enjoyed an unprecedented run of success, with nine major sports championships in fifteen years.

Boston hasn't gone more than three years without witnessing a duckboat parade in that span. Sure, Boston has a competitive advantage over some cities simply by virtue of having a team each in the NBA, MLB, NHL, and NFL... but New York has two of each, and Chicago has two MLB teams and one of each of the rest, yet Boston still has the edge.

So we're spoiled. And having moved to the New York metro area recently, I've witnessed firsthand that people are jealous.

But can I admit something? The jealousy of other city's fans (and particularly that of New York's fans) is absolutely delicious. I relish in their protestations about Spygate and Deflategate, and there's nothing I enjoy more than laughing in their faces when they spout absurd conspiracy theories about Curt Schilling's apparent affinity for ketchup.

Boston fans were once known for our inferiority complex, though whoever came up with that was obviously more focused on the "cursed" Red Sox and the previously-hapless Patriots than the winningest team in NBA history, the Boston Celtics.

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Every championship won by a Boston team is another nail in the coffin of the lovable loser reputation we endured for so long. Sure, there are benefits to being the perennial underdog, but I'll take jealousy and bitterness from other fans over their pity any day of the week.

So congratulations, Patriots! You've enhanced my pride at hailing from New England - even if many of my coworkers and friends could do without the smug smile I've been wearing all week. But as Taylor Swift recently put into song, haters gonna hate, and I'll happily enjoy their chagrin.

The Showdown

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This afternoon's game between the Patriots and the Broncos has been broken down and analyzed and predicted so many times over that it's become tedious.

It's Brady v. Manning, winner gets an all-expense paid trip to the Superbowl - and even as a Patriots fan, I've heard every point of analysis so many times that I change the channel the minute I see anything related to this game on the SportsCenter rundown.

There's nothing left to say about this game that hasn't been repeated ad nauseam all week - but luckily kickoff is just hours away.

Doc Rivers predicts Pats victory

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Though former Celtics coach Doc Rivers departed Boston for sunny LA and the Clippers this season, he still has the collective back of New England sports fans.

In the press conference after the Clippers demolished the Lakers last night, Rivers went a bit off topic and made some predictions about this weekend's slate of NFL playoff games - and went against the conventional narrative.

While most of the talking heads in the sports world have been gleefully predicting a Patriots loss in tonight's showdown against the Colts, Doc Rivers had a different take.

"I think the Patriots are going to win, and they're going to win big," Rivers said with a grin.

Of course, that assessment could have less to do with lingering affection for Boston, and more to do with factors like poor weather favoring the Pats, and history favoring the home team when these two meet in the playoffs.

Either way, it's nice to have the confidence and support of someone like Doc Rivers heading into tonight's game.

This must be how it feels to be a Yankees fan...

Last night, the Patriots lost to the Ravens. Everyone on my Twitter and Facebook feeds who lives outside of New England was jubilant, while I was morose. I know that it's kind of ridiculous to mourn a Patriots loss in the penultimate round of the playoffs, especially when they so regularly play in the postseason, and have certainly won their share of Super Bowls in my lifetime, but that doesn't lessen the immediate feeling of disappointment.

I'm perfectly aware of the vitriol that most of the country feels towards the Patriots, and I like to think that it's similar to how I (along with millions of others) feel about the New York Yankees [though the comparison falls apart when you remember that the Yankees spend tens of millions of dollars more than anyone else, while the Pats operate with the same salary cap as every other NFL team].

The Patriots are elite year after year. The quarterback married a supermodel, and even does some modeling of his own. The coach is surly and aloof, and the franchise was unlucky enough to be caught filming the opposition's signs (though you're deluding yourself if you think the Pats were the only team doing that).

I fully understand why people don't like the Patriots. If I was from another region of the country, I probably wouldn't like them very much myself. But it does make it hard to deal with a big loss when you know that virtually everyone in the country is celebrating. This experience doesn't make me any less eager to savor the schadenfreude when the Yankees lose, but I do at least feel an inkling of what their fans must feel.

I'm not a diehard Pats fan, but...

I'm not really a Patriots fan, per say, but more of a sports fan from New England whose default team happens to be the Pats. I can't tell you how many yard Tom Brady has thrown for this season, nor how many touchdown passes Wes Welker has received - but I am happiest when the Patriots are doing well.

In the last decade or so, it's been pretty predictable that we'll be seeing the Patriots in the playoffs (though since the NFL allows 12 of 32 teams, one could argue that's not such a lofty achievement). I don't watch every week during the season, mostly because I typically forget there's a game until it's mostly over; with baseball, there's a game pretty much every day, so watching becomes part of my routine.

But I am excited for this evening's game. I want to see the Pats make it all the way to the Superbowl, and then win it (unlike the fiasco last year). Here's hoping that starts tonight!

Boston is Titletown

Let's face it.  We're spoiled.  Since the Patriots won the Super Bowl in 2002, Boston (with most of New England by its side) has celebrated a major sports championship in every year except 2003, 2006, 2009, and 2010 - and there were two in 2004.

Boston-area teams have also set another record, winning one of each major championships within a span of six years (Patriots in 2005, Red Sox in 2007, Celtics in 2008, and Bruins in 2011); the next shortest span is twety-one years, and that distinction is held by New York.

It goes without saying that I am a HUGE fan of this trend, despite the fact that my devotion to the Bruins, Celtics, and Patriots pales in comparison for my love for the local nine.  However, I think it also goes without saying that we need to be careful how we handle these new found riches.  Like the multi-millionaire who complains about the price of milk, we should probably tone down the crying when one of our teams goes through a minor losing streak.

I know what you're thinking: "HYPOCRITE!"  Yes, I moan about small misfortunes in this space all the time, but I don't honestly think that Boston fans have problems, not when compared to what I've seen my friends from Cleveland go through.

Likewise, I plan to try to avoid bragging as much as possible - after about a week's grace period to celebrate the Stanley Cup - lest I come off like an obnoxious Yankees fan who can't say anything except "TWENTY-SEVEN RINGS WOOOOO!!!1!!1!!!!"

However, since I have a seven-day window to celebrate like the loud and proud Boston sports fan I am, GO BRUINS!!! [And Red Sox since you're the only Boston team currently playing.]

Truck Day > Superbowl

I'm sure you've all figured this out by now, but I'm not the world's biggest football fan. Sure, I watched the Superbowl, and because I'm required by virtue of my New England birth to hate Peyton Manning, I was happy that the Saints won (and just a little jealous of the party in New Orleans that's sure to carry through Mardi Gras next week).

Approximately 10% of this crowd loves the Saints, 2o% are casual fans, 55% are just looking for a good time, 13% hate Peyton Manning, and 2% are simply confused.

To be honest, my favorite part of the Superbowl is that it marks the end of football season (though the beginning of Brett Favre speculation on SportsCenter). To me, the Superbowl means that it's almost time for Spring Training: indeed, Truck Day is this week, pitchers and catchers report the week after, and from there it's a hop, skip, and a jump to Opening Day [night?] on April 4.

Not just a truck, but a cause for jubilation in baseball-starved New England.

This winter has been even more difficult than most, with the Bruins underachieving, the Celtics battling scores of injuries, and the Patriots bowing out of the playoffs in the first round. If you're anything like me, baseball is arriving just in time to save your sanity... so rejoice! Because baseball is nearly here.

Pats v. Sox: No Competition

For some of you, this is a difficult decision. Patriots kickoff is at 1:00, Sox first pitch comes just thirty-five minutes later... What do you watch!? For me, it's a no-brainer. Give me Daisuke's second start after a three month hiatus over Brady and the gang any day. Yes, I know about the smack being thrown around about this game, and I know I'm supposed to hate the Jets. I even realize that there are more Sox games left (if the Sox make it to the ADLS and get swept-which would be the worst case scenario-they have 18 games left) than Pats games (if the Pats make it all the way to the Super Bowl-best case scenario-they have the same number of games).

Football has always been my least favorite of the professional sports to watch, and it's even grown on me in recent years. When I was a younger, I would watch only the Super Bowl... but I would read a book during the play and only watch the commercials. This was during a time that the team was winning, and winning quite regularly. The only season I watched more than a quarter of the games in their entirety was 2007, and that had more to do with boring Sundays at boarding school than the fact that they were relentlessly and systematically crushing every team in the league.

The strange thing is, I like watching football live. Though I've never been to a Patriots game, I enjoyed watching my high school teams play, and I like to watch games at college, but there's something about watching football on television (especially a dorm sized television) that turns me off. Don't get me wrong, I watched last week, and I screamed as loudly as several of my neighbors did during the last six or so minutes... But that was a Red Sox offday. Say what you want, but I'll never skip the Red Sox for the Patriots, no matter how dreamy Tom Brady thinks he is. I mean, the man wears a Yankees hat of all things... doesn't he know where he plays?

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