Saturday, February 27, 2010

Opening Day

Today is one of the best days of my life. At about 1:10 this afternoon, I got a phone call from my mother.

"We got them," she said.

I screamed. Loudly. Then I ran out into the common room of my dorm and I screamed at my roommates. They knew exactly what had happened, and I'm guessing that most of you do, too.

I am going to Opening Day. And I really couldn't be more excited if I tried.


Not only have I never been to an Opening Day, this year, we're playing against New York, and it's an 8pm game. This means that I will be missing my 9am class the next morning, but the last time I missed that professor's class for a baseball game, he said "God bless you," so I don't see it being an issue.

Friday, February 26, 2010

He's nothing like that OTHER 23...



I think he'll fit in just fine here in New England. Just the fact that he - a veteran player, no less - stopped to chat with the fans speaks volumes about his ability to embrace the environment in Boston.

Just from that short clip, it's easy to see that Mike Cameron has at least a basic grasp of the history of the franchise: I mean, he understood that #24 was "semi-retired," not just because of the petulant Manny Being Manny Ramirez, but because of the inimitable Dwight "Dewey" Evans, who played his last game in 1991.

He also appreciated Francona's quip about a certain shortstop that John Henry is still paying:


"Tito told me, 'Hey, if you wear twenty-three, make sure you don't miss the first ball, cause the fans are all gonna say LUUUU-GOOOOO!!!'"

Be honest, folks: that's totally something we would do. However, it doesn't look like it will be necessary, as Cameron seems like the type of confident (and competent), yet easy-going player who thrives in Boston. I know that the Ellsbury fangirls (and fanboys) are howling that Golden Boy is moving over to accommodate a thirty-seven year old journeyman. Please, let him show you what he can do. Personally, I plan on loving him, and I hope you'll all give him a chance, too.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

"Because we're the Yankees."

On the list of douchiest quotes ever given, Spring Training edition, Mark Teixeira took strides to an early lead yesterday. In an article appearing in the New York Post (thanks to Surviving Grady for the link!), Teixeira made his prediction that the Yankees will repeat as World Champs. Now, you're probably wondering, "What's so douchey about that? Everyone from the Astros downward says they'll win this time of year."

Yes, I know how preposterous it would be to kick off Spring Training by proclaiming that your team has regressed, and you're probably good for a third or fourth place finish. It was the choice of words Teixeira used that makes his prediction so unbearably douchey.

When asked why he was so confident, the first baseman replied "Because we're the Yankees.... You have to feel that way every season." He might as well have said, "Because our GM will throw buckets of cash at anyone we could possibly ever need, so why worry?"

Teixeira went on to say that he felt good about the "great team with a core of guys back." Presumably, at this point the reporter slapped him across the face, then reminded him that the Yankees had lost World Series MVP Hideki Matsui and Queen of Cheap Home Runs Johnny Damon; Teixeira immediately recanted his take with the following:

"That's baseball. Every year there's a different group of guys. The guys we brought in are going to do just a good a job as the guys that left, so I don't think we're going to skip a beat."

And if you do, Cashman can just buy you some more players, right Mr. Mercenary?

It's no secret around here that I loathe Mark Teixeira. He's second on my Most-Hated Yankees list, Contemporary Edition, to one Joba Chamberlain, and this article is a perfect example of why. I never hope for a player to get hurt in any physical way, but I will admit to wishing Teixeira the very worst in the way of luck and statistics this year and beyond. As the leader in douchiest quotes ever given, Spring Training edition, he deserves it.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Separate from Baseball


I've said it before, and I'll say it again: Mike Lowell is the classiest of class acts. He knows very well where he stands, and that he's not even likely to have the chance to fight for a starting job. No, Mike Lowell is trade bait, and everybody knows it.

"I have to separate some things. I think there’s the baseball aspect of it and I think there’s (a) real life aspect of it and I’m very comfortable with where I am in my real life. You know what I mean? I feel I’m in a tremendously privileged situation. No one needs to feel sorry for me in life. Is my baseball situation not ideal? Yeah, it’s not ideal. I don’t want to diminish the baseball fact. But you never know what can happen." -Lowell, via Boston.com

Mikey has perspective that most players (I'm looking at you, Cinco-Ocho) can't imagine. Part of his ability to separate baseball from "real life" comes from his experience with a disease that has touched us all:


"'The worst case scenario,' he [the doctor] continued, 'is that you have surgery, they do the analysis, and it may be a progresses state of cancer.' Whoa, cancer?! 'Yes, cancer,' he added. 'You'll need radiation, chemotherapy, and the we'll see how far along it is. It might cost you a year or so before we think you're healthy.' And he wasn't even mentioning baseball." -Lowell, Deep Drive

After a conversation like that, how could the prospect of a trade (or a salary cut, or a reduced role) possibly make you quake? Mike Lowell doesn't want the fans to pity him, and so I won't feel sorry for his situation. All I have (all I have ever had) for Mike Lowell is admiration, pure and simple. I hope he gets to play this season, and I'll miss him if he ends up elsewhere, but he deserves every chance he gets.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Quote(s) of the Day

I love Spring Training. In a loose atmosphere, players are more likely to open up and crack jokes, and it allows for some comedic gold. [All quotes taken from stories on Boston.com... if I had access to Fort Myers, I sure as hell wouldn't be here in Connecticut right now.]

When asked about his physique, David Ortiz said he thought he looked good: "I'm not going to look like Ricky Martin right now... I wish I could look like Ricky Martin." Umm... I for one do not want Big Papi to look like Ricky Martin, if it's all the same.

Apparently, Bill Hall asked Dustin Pedroia why so many reporters were gathered around his locker. The feisty second baseman, as always, had a quick answer: "Checking out this body, dude." Personally, I think people hang around to hear quips like that one...

Sunday, February 21, 2010

The Individual or the Team?

I recently had the following question posed to me: Which is more important, the individual or the group?

Now, being who I am, I immediately thought of baseball. On teams with a high payroll and an expectation of success, it is considered uncouth to emphasize personal achievements, yet on teams with a recent tradition of failure, personal goals are all that players have to hope for, considering it might be their ticket out of the mediocre scene, via free agency.

For example, Red Sox pitcher Josh Beckett is entering a contract year, yet every time someone asks about his status or his goals, he reiterates that it's not about him, but about the team. When asked who the number one pitcher was for the Sox this year, Jon Lester answered, "Well, we all are. You guys can label us whatever you want, but in my mind it takes five starters to win a championship."

"You're more important." "No, YOU'RE more important."

The company line for most big market teams is the same way. When Dustin Pedroia won the 2008 AL MVP award, he was disappointed, because his team finished short of where it had in 2007: they were runners up to the AL Pennant, rather than World Series Champions, and it just wasn't good enough for the Sox second baseman.

On the other hand, in Kansas City, Zack Greinke just won the AL Cy Young award, and the Royals celebrated the his individual achievement. On a team where winning just isn't in the cards, individuals make a huge difference: the Royals sell more tickets on days when Greinke pitches, while the Red Sox will sell out no matter who is playing, be it Beckett, Lester, or even someone like Michael Bowden.

Yet somehow, they can't even sell out Greinke's starts...

The same principle exists in society as a whole: those who are more privileged have the luxury of worrying about the big picture, while those from lower tax brackets must think of mundane personal things, like where they'll get the money to pay the bills. Is this fair? Not really. And anyway, who ever said life (or baseball) had to be fair?

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Tim Wakefield: Mainer at Heart?



Is it just me, or would Tim Wakefield make a great Mainer? Wake was, of course, born not in Maine (or any other New England state), but in Melboure, Florida, and he still resides in the Sunshine State during the offseason.

However, something about Wakefield just screams Mainahh to me, and I'm not sure why. I know a great deal of native Mainers, as I live about 10 minutes from the state, and even spent three years there for boarding school. Wakefield embodies much of the spirit that I have come to associate with Maine: integrity, character, and a blue-collar work ethic among them.

In the above video, Wake clings to his position in the rotation fiercely, and he's certainly earned that right. Something about the posture, the ball cap, and the facial hair just made me nostalgic for all the days I spent in Maine... and just think how awesome Wake would look with a mullet.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Beckett has guts... No, Really.

This photo surfaced in Spring Training of 2008, causing many in Red Sox Nation to call foul. We wondered how a player making millions of dollars could show up so out of shape, and then Becks never seemed to be quite right all year, going on and off the disabled list for a variety of reasons, and winning his lone playoff decision on grit alone.

Now, we're two years into the future, and after a good 2009 (17-6, 3.86 ERA), Beckett shows up to camp looking like this:
Obviously, it's nowhere near as bad as it was in 2008, but it is a bit troubling. However, there's more than one way to look at this... You can be critical and suspicious, and accuse Beckett of spending more of the winter at McDonald's than the gym, or you can look at it logically.

Everyone is a different size and shape: I'm sure that many of you have struggled with your bodies in some way or another - most people experience frustratingly ineffective exercise/diet plans in their life; we all have that friend who couldn't gain weight even if he had an IV delivering straight lard into his bloodstream.

(Ahem... Clay Buchholz...)

It seems most likely that Josh Beckett has worked very hard, but that his body is simply shaped that way. He certainly has a very round face in comparison with his body, and one look at his legs will tell you that the righty has definitely not been neglecting his workouts... Still, he might want to take a leaf out of Jon Lester's book, and simply keep his shirt tucked in while he plays.

I don't know about you guys, but I prefer men with meat on their bones to stringbeans, anyway.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Pedroia isn't "A lot of guys..."

There's been a ton of talk (or, you know, panic) around Red Sox Nation this offseason that all this talk of "improved pitching and defense" is just code for "second rate team that can't score runs." For now, I'm willing to believe the company line... and the players, at least publicly, seem to be buying into it, too.


In fact, on an interview with WEEI's Mut and Bradford Show, Dustin Pedroia was very outspoken about the perception that [his] the team's offense will be weak:

“I think a lot of guys are going to take that personal, and as an offensive unit we need to score a lot of runs and I have a lot of confidence we’re going to do all kind of good things... It gets to you a little bit. Every time I’m on the show somebody is calling asking about that. It kind of gets to you a little bit. A lot of guys take pride in having good at-bats and doing everything we can to score runs."

Honestly, every time he says "a lot of guys," I mentally replace it with "I." We all know Pedroia is one of the most feisty and proud players in the game, and that he uses the words of doubters as motivation; I think it's pretty clear what the scrappy second baseman thinks of when he has to get through that last set of sprints.

Personally, I'm rather optimistic about the potential for a big year from the offense. Scutaro and Martinez will fill the vortexes that were in the lineup last year, and though David Ortiz's level of production is a BIG question mark, this team has the potential to be very, very good. And in the end, does it really matter if there were more games with scores of 2-0 than 12-8?

So long as we get to the promised land of October baseball, I think not.

Monday, February 15, 2010

Quote of the Day

Today's gem is brought to us by none other than the Globe's Dan Shaughnessy. I almost overlooked it, as it was in a bits and pieces column, and not linked on the Red Sox page. However, I'm certainly glad I found it:


"Did Cuban lefty Aroldis Chapman sign with the Cincinnati Reds because he thinks they’re communists?"

Gold. It's quips like that one that allowed Shaughnessy to become one of Boston's best sportswriters, and though all we tend to hear about is how snarky and cynical he is, it's obvious that he loves sports. It's tough to make it in Boston, whether as an athlete or someone who covers them, but quotes like that one make me glad that Shaughnessy is around.

Move over, Shaughnessy... There's a new cynic in town.

In a shocking new development, the Boston Globe has a bitter cynic working in the sports section. No, I'm not talking about CHB, but [relatively] new blogger Chris Gasper. He wrote a patronizing post the other day about the "farce" that is Truck Day, and even bashes his own paper (among others) for covering it so heavily.

Gasper is biting the hand that feeds him, though I'm sure the Globe won't mind - anything that stirs up controversy and enhances site traffic is just fine by them. Insulting the fans, however, is another matter entirely. Gasper tries to cover his bases by offering up a few cheap compliments:

"Red Sox fans you're better than this. You are the most astute, educated and critical fans in the game. You cheer the outstanding plays of opposing players. You argue endlessly over a manager's decisions, can debate the importance of .OPS vs. UZR and explain why Jose Iglesias has more upside at shortstop than Derrik Gibson."

Personally, I'm tempering my enthusiasm on Iglesias for now... But he sure looks good, doesn't he?

But then he drops the ball quicker than Julio Lugo in the rain (or the sun), and lets us all know how stupid and irrational we're being. Thanks, Chris, but we know that watching a truck leave Fenway Park isn't the most sensible thing to be doing.

But seriously, how can you look at this photo and not smile?

Then again, for many years, rooting for the Red Sox wasn't the most sensible thing to be doing either, and no one at the Globe asked us to stop reading their coverage of the team. I don't know about you, but for me Truck Day is about more than a truck full of bats, balls, exercise bikes, and buckets of Dubble Bubble... Truck Day means baseball is coming. Yes, I know in my heart that baseball will come whether or not I click through the gallery of the Truck Day photos, just as the folks who turn out to oggle Punxsutawney Phil don't really believe that the rodent is predicting the weather.

Gasper was just trying to stir things up, and he succeeded. For his sake, I hope he wasn't always this cynical, though perhaps he spent his childhood disillusioning his peers about the alleged existence of the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus. I've never actually been at Fenway for Truck Day, and don't have any immediate plans to do so... But who does Gasper think he is to judge those who, as he says, "believe the truck isn't just carrying bats and balls it's carrying the hopes and dreams of Red Sox Nation."

He asks us to "Spare him." Next time, Chris, spare me the cynicism and coldhearted analysis... We're in the middle of a New England winter, and things are cold enough.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Cast of Characters

This morning, as I was wasting my life away on the internet, I came across the following Tweet:

Jerry_Remy Someone just told me that #RedSox lack personality-they're all just "nice guys"-no Mannys,no Millars, no Damons--what do you think?-Jerry

First off, for those of you wondering, that is in fact the REAL Jerry Remy... Follow him! Secondly, whoever told him that the Sox lack personality was clearly crazy. Immediately, people starting replying, listing off current players with "personality," and it got me thinking about the different types of characters in the Red Sox clubhouse, and how well they've gelled for the past few years.

Let's start with Timmy Wakefield, the elder statesman. Wake does more for charity than any other member of the team, and is universally respected throughout the game for his hard-work and perseverance.

Lester was forced to grow up quickly, and though he's pretty reserved, you've got to believe that when he speaks, people listen. Also, he isn't too cool to walk around Fort Myers with a glove on his head. Personality points for him!

Yes, this is Josh Beckett with a puppy. The fiery righty EXUDES personality... Sure, he might utter some *baseball terms* to thick-headed members of the media (I'm looking at you, Heidi Watney), but his heart is definitely in the right place.

Tell me again how this team has no personality? David Ortiz has arguably the biggest personality in the game, to go along with the biggest grin. He hasn't clowned around as much publicly since the departure of his partner in crime, Manny Ramirez, but he's still a presence in the clubhouse.

Now, I've never seen much of new center fielder Mike Cameron, but he's been a member of several notoriously tight ballclubs, and is cited over and over as a favorite on and off the field for his leadership.

On October 2, 2009 Jonathan Papelbon told the Globe's Amalie Benjamin "to put the fact that he's a sheriff in Mississippi into a story. Also called himself Lord CincoOcho. Seriously." Yeah, Paps has no personality... his bullpen cohorts must be bored to tears.

According to Ian Brown, Youkilis has a quick wit about him as well.: "'This is what brings teams together. Bad haircuts.' -Kevin Youkilis, as a mob of teammates surround [Nick] Green in the bathroom. (Via Twitter, Sept. 12, 2009). The first baseman even has a Twitter page devoted to his facial hair.

Okay, okay... I saved my favorite for last. But how could you argue that a team with this guy on it has no personality? According to Joe Haggerty, "Dustin Pedroia was rocking a GI Joe T-shirt [presumably the same one in the photo] in the clubhouse, and yelled at Ortiz: 'That's right. I am a Real American Hero.'" He also reportedly told Amalie Benjamin that Curt Schilling's contribution to the US Senate would be "Probably a big appetite."

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

He still loves us!

Forget the way it ended. Forget the pouting, the injuries, and the most shocking midseason trade in my lifetime.

And for god's sake, forget this cover ever happened...

For all the drama leading up to his 2004 departure, Nomar Garciaparra still loves us.

I was at the gym today when ESPN's Baseball Tonight came on the television, and to my delight they had our old friend Nomar as a guest. Mostly they talked about Brandon Webb's rehab, the remaining free agents (Johnny Damon is still out there), and the imminent start of Spring Training, but they did a quick question and answer session at the end of the program.

The first question posed to the former Sox shortstop was this: "What has been your favorite park to play in?"

Nomar smiled. The captions were a little behind on the gym's TV, but I was pretty sure I knew what he was going to say, so I smiled, too. Sure enough, a split second later the verdict flashed on the screen: "FENWAY." He went on to give props to Wrigley for its history, but returned again and again to the effect the fans have on the atmosphere at Fenway Park. "There's nothing like it," he said, and in my limited experience of other parks, he's quite correct. Other stadiums (I'm looking at you, New York) have scoreboards that tell fans when to cheer and clap... you'll see a lot of things at Fenway Park, but that's not one of them.

Red Sox fans are, for better or for worse, some of the most knowledgeable and passionate in the game, and Nomar is just the latest player to recognize us as such. I don't know about the rest of you, but I was extremely pleased to see Nomar reiterate his love for us (because, let's be fair, things were a little tense by the end of his tenure here). Since #5 left us, we've had a literal parade of shortstops, some good, some bad, but none with the same ties to the fans that Nomar had.


I hope Garciaparra finds a team this season. I hope he comes to Fenway (in anything but pinstripes, not that they have use for him) so we can show him the love once more... and because he loves Fenway as much as Fenway loves him.

Monday, February 8, 2010

Truck Day > Superbowl

I'm sure you've all figured this out by now, but I'm not the world's biggest football fan. Sure, I watched the Superbowl, and because I'm required by virtue of my New England birth to hate Peyton Manning, I was happy that the Saints won (and just a little jealous of the party in New Orleans that's sure to carry through Mardi Gras next week).

Approximately 10% of this crowd loves the Saints, 2o% are casual fans, 55% are just looking for a good time, 13% hate Peyton Manning, and 2% are simply confused.

To be honest, my favorite part of the Superbowl is that it marks the end of football season (though the beginning of Brett Favre speculation on SportsCenter). To me, the Superbowl means that it's almost time for Spring Training: indeed, Truck Day is this week, pitchers and catchers report the week after, and from there it's a hop, skip, and a jump to Opening Day [night?] on April 4.

Not just a truck, but a cause for jubilation in baseball-starved New England.

This winter has been even more difficult than most, with the Bruins underachieving, the Celtics battling scores of injuries, and the Patriots bowing out of the playoffs in the first round. If you're anything like me, baseball is arriving just in time to save your sanity... so rejoice! Because baseball is nearly here.

Friday, February 5, 2010

Blueberry Muffins for Everyone!

There's been some speculation lately that the Twins are about to come to terms with catcher Joe Mauer on a record setting contract extension. When and if that happens I plan to go out and buy myself a celebratory Mauer jersey. Why? Because that's what I do: I buy baseball paraphernalia.

Also, I'm too young to go out and have a celebratory drink.

As a baseball fan, I'll be thrilled to see Mauer stay in Minnesota. The game needs more players like Joe Mauer: talented, hardworking, and loyal. Now, I'm not saying that players who take a big payday shouldn't do so - they've worked hard to get to that level, and if they're going to play for the money, that's their prerogative.

On the other hand, as a Red Sox fan, I'm a little torn about this. If Mauer had made it to free agency, Theo would have gone after him, and hard. Unfortunately, we all know who would have gotten him in the end, especially if he was simply looking for the biggest payday:

"Why yes, we did offer Mauer a gold plated locker... And we promised him that A*Rod would never talk to him, or touch him."

Players looking to follow the money inevitably end up in pinstripes, and since Posada's not getting any younger, I would bet my first born child that Mauer would end up in the Bronx if he made it to free agency. For these selfish reasons, and because I genuinely think it's the best choice for this player and the game at large, I'm happy that all signs point to a long stay in Minnesota for Joe Mauer.

[For those of you confused by the title of this post, the official state muffin of Minnesota is the blueberry muffin. I'm sure this was an important aspect of Mauer's decision-making process.]

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

My Secret Shame

We all have one. A dirty little secret that, for whatever reason, we just can't quit. Some people are secret smokers. Others cheat on their significant others. Most of us have more innocent transgressions: we're chocoholics or impulse buyers, pack rats or compulsive cleaners.

I have a hunch that I share a secret shame with a lot of you, but the crux of the matter is that it's not a secret at all. My compulsion is as plain as the shirt on my back, because, well... it is the shirt on my back. I have next to no willpower when it comes to baseball merchandise, and even as a nearly broke college student, I find myself spending most of my meager income on Red Sox attire.

This picture is six months old, and only includes shirts that were at school with me at the time.

I get most of my stuff from Chowdaheadz and the Red Sox Team Store on Yawkey Way, but I have a few from places like Hadlock Field (home of the Double-A Seadogs) or even other Major League ballparks like CitiField. I'm on the email lists for the aforementioned vendors (and the MLB.com shop) and every time they send me something advertising discounted merchandise I just have to browse.

Normally, I detest shopping, but there's something about baseball that makes me rediscover my natural female shopping instinct. I even turn to baseball attire when shopping for my considerably less obsessed family. This Christmas, I bought my sister and brother-in-law matching sweatshirts, though I had my doubts about them matching in public...

My sister and I often end up matching inadvertently, but I think it's weird when married couples dress alike on purpose.

I've already told them that I'm going to buy their eventual child a bunch of Red Sox attire, teach him or her the entire roster, and take him or her to Fenway and use them to shamelessly beg for autographs. They interpreted this promise as free babysitting and clothes that they wouldn't need to buy.

So I guess my secret shame isn't secret at all, or even really that shameful, depending on who you ask. My bank account, however, might disagree.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Demonic No More

I have a locker in my dorm room. That might seem weird at first glance, but rest assured it's a Red Sox locker, and it's the envy of my Sox fan classmates. It's nothing too special, just a blue plastic locker with the team logo on it, with spaces for a favorite player's name and number. I got the locker when I was a little kid, and the name and number stayed blank for a long time, waiting for the right player to come along. Then came Johnny Damon, with his crazy hair, broad grin, and fun-loving demeanor; I loved him almost on sight, and so he went on the locker.

You can imagine my torment when, in the winter of 2005, Johnny Damon did what he swore he'd never do: he signed with the Evil Empire. Jesus had turned to Judas, and in a fit of temper I ripped his name and number from the locker. [I had a friend in high school try to put Pedey on there my senior year, but I took him down... I'm not taking any chances!]

Just like all of you, I swore to never root for the traitor, and it stung every time he complimented the Yankees. He seemingly erased his time in Boston from his memory, and I tried to do the same, but every day the locker was there.

Now that Damon is no longer with New York (what a stupid move on both sides), I feel free to remember the good times again. I've heard some speculation that the A's have the money to spend, and at first I felt gleeful: let Damon play with a noncontender after being spoiled by buckets of money in the Bronx. However, after some consideration I came to a different conclusion.


Johnny Damon would perform best in that Wiffle Ball Park in New York, but the carefree culture of Oakland might be somewhere he could have the most fun. The man is the proud owner of two World Series rings, and the A's could be a good fit for him. I'm not saying he wouldn't want to be competitive, but I for one would like to see that hair, beard, and idiot-mentality come back; the corporate New York style just didn't fit Johnny Damon.

Letting Damon go over a few million dollars was a stupid move by the Yankees' front office, and as a Red Sox fan, I applaud it. Now I can go back to remembering the good times, before he was "Johnny Demon"... and I can look at my locker without flinching.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Fan-FAIL

Today's a really busy day for me, so since I'll have very little time, here's a series of photos documenting some failures on the part of the sports' fan.

We'll start off with a college hoops game... How do you spell O-H-I-O?

More spelling problems from the good people of New York... Unless they meant "JEST," as in, "Our entire fandom is a joke."

You knew those NASCAR fans wouldn't disappoint. Dude, if your back is hairy enough to allow this, please keep it covered up.

I know those Wrigley Field bleachers get a lot of sun, but seriously? You're wearing a baseball cap with a brim designed for just this purpose. Turn it around, you look like an idiot.

I sincerely hope this was a one game thing... I mean, it shows a lot of dedication. But let's be honest: A*Rod never deserves to be mentioned with Jeter... You just can't compare them. And to immortalize A*Rod on your shaved head? TACKY.

And in case you thought I was being biased, here's some of Red Sox Nation's very own... Work on that depth perception, kids: you'll get-em next time.